Why So Cold
by Rayne Cassandra Storme
Summary: <html><head></head>Dally's last words written to the gang  mainly Ponyboy  telling them why he's so...mean.</html>


_**Why So Cold**_

Everytime I close my eyes I see her. I can still hear her voice when the night is silent and it brings memories of the way things used to be, the way **I **used to be. When I remember living in New York I remember myself as the warm, friendly guy she loved. I see myself with the smile that she always said could bring any girl to her knees. That's the guy she loved not the guy that's writing this. No, she would hate me now.

The guy I've become is so far from the one she loved. I don't smile anymore and my warmth is gone. There are times when I look back on my time with her and wish for that guy to come back. Sometimes I want to turn back the hands of time and stop her death from happening. Maybe I could have stepped out in front of the bullet that hit her. If it were possible I would have done it a long time ago. Her life was everything to me and I can't even begin to fathom how I'm going to live the rest of my life without her. I can't do it. I won't do it.

Before I end this insanity that has become my life I have to leave something behind to tell them who I was. Ponyboy, this is mainly for you. I know you were always tryin' to get me to see the good in myself so I'm leavin' this for you to read. Maybe after you read this you'll know that I was a good guy once. Once I loved someone more than my own life and that's all that counts...right? Before I start in on the story I'm gonna tell you I want you to know that I loved you guys as much as I could. You and Johnny especially 'cause you guys knew I had somethin' good inside of me and you tried hard to get me to see it. Johnny was right Pone, you're gold. You ain't like the rest of us guys that ain't smart enough to make somethin' of ourselves. You've got the brains to make it in this world and I want you to promise me that you'll get out of Tulsa someday. Get out but don't forget us. Don't forget the guys that acted like your brothers. Go back and visit the guys too, Pone, I know they'll miss ya. You were real important to me and I want you to know that I'm a better man because of you.

The rest of ya'll need to stick together. Like the Curtis brothers are always tellin' each other you're all you've got left. Don't let yourselves drift apart just 'cause Johnny and I ain't around anymore. You guys need each other now that we're gone. Don't be afraid to show how you're feeling 'cause you end up like me when you do that and I don't want any of you guys to end up like me. Stick by each other please. If not for me then...Do it for Johnny. Here goes nothin' guys.

_ We were laughing as we walked out of Kate's house. She wrapped an arm around me and pulled my body close to hers as we walked down the street together. I looked down at her, wondering how in the hell I got this lucky. She was the most beautiful, talented girl I'd ever met and I loved her with everything I had in me. Everytime I heard her say, "I love you Dallas Winston" I felt like I would stop breathing. I didn't deserve her._

"_You're so beautiful." I whispered to her, giving her a smile._

"_There you go with that smile of yours." she told me with her own heart-stopping smile._

"_Yours is prettier."  
>She grinned. "I love you Dallas." <em>

_I almost stopped breathing. "I love you too Kate." _

"_Let's go eat now. I'm starving." _

_I laughed. "Me too." _

_ We linked hands and walked a little ways down the street to our favorite diner was. I opened the door to Lily's and led her to our usual table by the window. She sat down and I sat across from her. She ordered her usual cheeseburger and I simply ordered a coke. I was much too nervous to eat. As our food came in Kate looked at me skeptically._

"_I thought you were hungry." she said._

"_I am but I'm going to wait a few minutes before I eat." I assured her, feeling the small box in my right pocket digging into my waist. _

_ She rolled her eyes at me and took another huge bite of cheeseburger. I took the chance when her mouth was full. Getting up from my seat I kneeled down in front of her and pulled the ring box out of my pocket. She was staring down at me, her green eyes wide with surprise. I spoke in a voice that was as steady as the nerves raging inside of me._

"_Kate will you marry me?" I asked simply._

"_Are you kidding me? Of course I'll marry you!" she yelled, throwing her arms around my neck._

"_YES!" I screamed. _

_ I was so happy at that moment that nothing else mattered. I was going to marry this girl. She had said yes and now she was going to be my wife. All other thoughts were replaced by mush as she placed her lips over mine and kissed me passionately. _

"_Let's get outta here babe." I said, leading her outside._

_ As we were walking out of the diner a sound like a car backfiring filled the air and suddenly Kate dropped. I screamed as I realized what had happened. Kate had been shot. **'She could die.' ** The thought was dismissed immediately because I didn't want to believe that I could lose her. Not now when everything was putting itself together. She was going to marry me. My greatest fear was realized when she stopped breathing in my arms..._

_**Ponyboy's Point Of View**_

I stared down at Dally's last written words. Around me I could hear the other guys talking to each other but I wasn't paying attention to them. This was the reason that Dally never smiled, the reason that he always seemed so cold. He had given everything to that girl only to have it ripped away from him. _**'But he did love the gang.' **_A little voice in the back of my mind whispered. And he had loved the gang. He had loved us with all he had left after he'd lost everything else. I realized then the reason that Dally had been talkin' the way he had been in the car on the way to the hospital that night. He knew Johnny wasn't gonna make it and he was already plannin' to go straight after Johnny. He was tryin' to tell me, in his own way, that he cared about me. _**'Thanks Dal. I knew you were a good guy.' **_I told Dally, knowing that he would hear me wherever he was.

"Wow. I never woulda thought that Dal could be like that." Two-Bt said.

"Me either man. But he's right about us stickin' together. Just 'cause we lost him and Johnny doesn't mean we have to lose each other. We have to stick together like he said." Steve said, surprising everyone with a stroke of brilliance.

"I agree with ya Steve. If we lose each other we won't have nothin' left." Soda said with a watery smile.

"Me too." Darry said simply.

"I agree too." I said, looking around at my friends.

"Me five." Two-Bit agreed.

It's been five years since we read that letter and a lot has changed. I'm living in Oklahoma City now going to college. Every holiday and summer I go back to Tulsa to visit my brothers and the gang. Two-Bit finally got a job working with Soda and Steve at the DX. Steve and Soda are living in an apartment together now. Darry's living in the same house still working as a roofer. Now that Soda and I are gone though he actually has time to do stuff. He goes skiing a lot more and he even goes to movies with the rest of us sometimes. All in all, we've done a good job sticking together.


End file.
